Silent Anger

Hi! Thanks to all of you who took the time to leave a comment on my last post. It’s such a wonderful feeling to read all your kind words and good wishes. You are all so nice. Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling terrible and now my chest hurts really bad like it’s cracking open. I often feel the pain in my chest when I feel upset. I have so much going on in my head that I don’t even know where to start to tell you. I feel like there are so many things wrong with me though my family thinks I’m fine.

First of all, I have so much anger and disappointments in my life that I find it difficult to put in words. It makes me literally shake and it haunts me every day. It’s crazy how one little thing could ruin my whole mood easily. So much unneeded rage and it’s starting to get to me. No one sees it, of course, because I taught myself not to show my anger when I'm not alone.

I can control my anger to the point where I don’t explode every time I get angry, but I can’t let my anger go either. I mean, whenever I’m angry at someone or something, I try very hard not to show it because the logical part in my brain suspects it’s an overreaction and I know that when I do explode, I will end up saying hurtful things. I don’t want to hurt anyone so I just keep it bottled and stored up to avoid all that.

I Miss My Childhood

Hey, beautiful people. Thank you so much for your nice and welcoming comments on my previous post. I’m so happy reading every single of them. I never thought blogging could be this fun. Seriously! It’s so good to interact with new people, since I don't really have friends 😔 For the first time in my life, I feel not only motivated, but also excited about blogging and sharing my stories with you.

Anyway, do you ever miss your childhood? I do think about it a lot lately. I miss those years so bad. I feel like, the older I get, the more I miss my childhood moments. Everything was so amazing and possible. I really miss the time when I thought that everything was in my reach, when I had so much fun on playground, when toys could give me so much joy, when I didn’t need to think about complicated things, when simple things made me happy, and life was full of dreams and fantasies.

Halo

“To the world, I adore and all the beautiful people

that struggle to survive from anxiety and depression,

let me introduce myself and share my stories with you.”

So, I finally decided to start writing a blog. And this blog will be like my online diary. Well, I’m not the type to talk about my feelings or what’s on my mind, but I’ve been really sad and weepy the past year. I feel like all messed up in my head and I feel extremely anxious and stressed out like I haven’t been in very long time. I have so much disappointment, anger and hurt built inside me. It’s like... umm, do you know when you blow a balloon with air until it pops? That is exactly how I feel right now. The problem is, I don’t have enough confidence to express my feelings bluntly like that and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I do have friends, but we’re not so close. Heck! They’re not even nice enough to be called friends. Most of them are mean to me and I don’t want to deal with people like them.

My mother once told me that writing can help to alleviate my stress and worries. She also said that it’s a very good way to help me to deal with my problems and keep my sanity in check. I agree. I think it’s a true proven fact that writing out all my problems can actually release some of the negative associated with them and help me think clearly through them. Actually, that’s the main reason why I want to start blogging. I hope I can handle my anxiety and don’t fall into insanity.

So why am I putting out my problems on the internet?